Thought Of The Day.

Anxiety, it's something I have dealt with since I was younger and as I grew older it only got worse. The younger me who was bubbly and wasn't afraid to talk to strangers, grew up to being afraid to walk into Walmart and go to the cash register. Anxiety is something most of us all deal with, whether it is small, or large within us at some point we all feel it, and for some of us it never goes away. During this time, as I sit in quarantine as a pandemic sweeps our world, as I can't leave the house even though as an introvert I would rather be inside when I don't have to be. As I can't see all of my friends, loved ones, church family, to go to town, to live what was once my normal everyday life. Where I once was a paranoid germaphobe who would sanitize and wash her hands constantly, to now where I am terrified to leave my house because I may come in contact with this virus. To where if I sneeze more than once or have a headache, I instantly take my temperature because the paranoia has become out of hand. To where I am constantly stressed, and overthinking every little thing I do and think ten times over. I have begun to realize, I have lost control of my own fears, of my own paranoia, I can no longer ease them away, I can no longer make them go away.


This morning when I woke up a song was immediately in my head, and the chorus is what made chills run down my spine.


"So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know his name

And it is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
Oh it is well with my soul"


The waves and wind still know His name. All I have to do is say His name. When there are thing's going on in my life I don't understand, when the world seems to be on my shoulders, when the paranoia gets the best of me, when my mind is racing in a thousand different directions and I am over thinking every last thing, when I am stressed and it begins to affect my mood and my health. When everything seems to be crumbling around me, and I have lost all control all I have to do us call His name. I just have to whisper His name, and He hears me. The God who made the stars, and can calm the storm with just a word from his lips, the same God who made the ocean, the mountain tops, and the valleys. The same God who created the whole universe, who created me. He hears me, He hears me call out his name even when I can't speak He hears me.

When I have lost all control, He is always in control.
When I am anxious, He is my peace.
When I am paranoid, He is already there.
When I am stressed, He already knows what is going to happen even though I don't.
When I am overthinking, He calms the storm in my mind.


No matter what is happening in my life, no matter what I am feeling, no matter if there is a pandemic in our world, He is by our side, He is already there, and He is in control.



"Casting all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for You." 1 Peter 5:7 (ESV)



If you're like me and this pandemic is getting the best of you, your anxiety is out of control, maybe your paranoia has gotten out of hand, your stressed out to your max. Remember He is always with you, He loves you, and He cares about you more than anyone else every could.

Sunflower

One of my biggest passions is art, I love art because it comes in many forms and one of my favorite art forms is music. I have always loved music, I honestly can't remember a time where I haven't loved music and it's many forms, whether it was Disney, or a song playing on the radio, Elvis, classical. I have always loved music. Music is a way of expression, it says the things we can't, or don't know how to say, music holds every emotion. From happiness, to adoration, to anger, to love, to the confused emotions, and to sadness. Music is everything wrapped into one beautiful melody that grips your soul and makes you feel the things you have buried so deep within yourself making it come to light. It wasn't until I was a little older when music became deeper to me, it became more than just a song with a good beat to dance and sing to. It changed when I was ten years old I know that because it's the year that the band One Direction became a thing with their number one song that topped the charts "What Makes You Beautiful" it was then that music began to say the things I couldn't and began to say the things I needed to hear. Even now ten years later *yes I'm very dedicated* I find those songs still saying the things I can't and things I need to hear. Though One Direction is no longer a band, (yes I cried when they ended) their solo music still speaks to me. One in particularly seems to speak to me more than the others, Harry has always been different to me, he has always spoken to me differently than the others, though I love all the boys I suppose you can call him my favorite. Yes I know what your thinking. "This girl is crazy!" Perhaps I am, but I think each of us has that one thing that makes us incredibly happy, whether it's baking, drawing, writing, long drives, laughing with friends,crafting. Whatever it is we all have that one thing, and Harry just happens to be mine. Harry recently came out with a new album, Fine Line. It took two long years to get this album, he blessed us with his first debut in 2017 the album was absolutely gorgeous with emotions we hadn't heard from Harry before with songs like "Sign of the times" and "Meet Me In The Hallway" I honestly didn't think he could make anything more deeply beautiful than his first album, oh how I was wrong. Fine Line holds such vulnerability, raw emotions, and such depth of beauty. It holds every emotion you could want. Happy, Sunflower Vol.6, joyful, Treat People With Kindness, jealous To Be So Lonely, missing someone, Cherry, sad Falling, that inbetween of happy and sad Fine Line. There's so many more that's just some of the emotions covered in this album, every time I listen to this masterpiece it seems to pull the emotions out of me making me feel everything he intended for us to letting us feel his happiness and his low of lows, letting us be apart of the journey he had to go on for this album. I find it funny really how ten years later the words he puts into lyrics seem to go into the places I hide away but mostly I find it funny how a single person can always put a smile on my face no matter how anxious I am, how angry I am, how insecure I may be, how down I am, it never fails he always brings a smile to my face and to bring ease me. You may ask why, why does this nineteen year old young woman find happiness and loves someone she doesn't even know so much? It's hard not to love someone who spreads so much light to everyone he seems to meet, fans and people who have met him the first thing they say is how kind he is to everyone. His motto is literally "Treat People With Kindness" that's what he is about is loving everyone and being kind no matter your race, your religion, sexuality, he just wants us to love and be kind to everyone around us. Not only is he kind but he is hilarious, and maybe it's just my sense of humor but he's the biggest goofball ever! He's so comfortable and confident in his own skin, it's so beautiful honestly how he's so at ease with himself not caring who doesn't like his bright and bold style, painted nails, and who he is because all that matters is he loves who he is. He stands up for whats right and what he believes in, he talks about how its okay to take care of your mental health and how he has went to therapy his own self. He doesn't cause any confrontation with others, is drama free. His smile it lights up the whole room when he smiles, his laugh is the best thing ever! It's hard to not love him how could you not love the person who makes you smile? Who helped you love yourself a little more and gain some confidence that was stolen away, who helped you see the good in others but also in yourself, who was the light in the darkness when you didn't think you would ever find it again, who helped you through those times you didn't think you would make it out of. Who helps you feel beautiful even when you feel less than, who is your safe haven. I can't exactly tell you why he makes me happy, why his music helps me but I do think that God gives us things on earth to make us happy and Harry just happens to be that for me or at least that's what I tell myself. Because without God, my family, and Harry I wouldn't be happy like I am. It's crazy I know, but it's like God gives us little angels to keep us here and Harry is mine, he's my angel, my sunflower and I'm thankful that God gives us those little angels.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Music it's more than just a melody, it's a story that touches each person differently, changing the person who is listening to it, t changes their life forever in some way, and the person singing the song they not only change the person, but they become someone special to them. Making them smile a little more, helping them feel at ease, making them feel safe within themselves, making them feel even when they thought they couldn't anymore, even if it's just through the earbuds that muffle out the world surrounding them. So for those who are like me and music is your safe haven with your little angel behind it all, I'm so glad that they make you happy, that they help and have helped you through those dark times, I'm glad you found your light, your sunflower that helps you hang on and to stay because the world is brighter with your light in it.                                                                                                                                                         

Update Post

Hi loves, and Merry Christmas! I'm so sorry for being absent for so long, it seemed when fall hit everything got extremely busy. My incredible sister got married so the weeks leading up to that were crazy busy, and I was also sick a lot during this time and some afterwards making me not feel like blogging much. Then the business with the holidays and preparation for those, I haven't had much time to sit and write to you guys or in general. I'm hoping now that things have calmed down some I will be able to blog more, hopefully anyway. I do hope all of you have had a wonderful Christmas time, filled with so much love, joy, and kindness. This time of year means so much to me especially what today represents and that I not only get to celebrate my King Jesus one day out of the year but everyday! I love you all and thank you for being patient with me in my absence, there will be a new blog up soon please stay tuned! Merry Christmas!

Mental Health Awarness.

This month is not only breast cancer awareness month but, it is also mental health awareness both topics are extremely important but one I find is pushed under the rug not spoken about it's hidden from the world because it may make us look weak to our peers and maybe we don't want to admit it. Mental health is important to me personally, I honestly thought when I would sit down and write this out I would tell you about my story all in one setting but now as I sit here typing away I find that is not what will be happening, my story may or may not be written during the following weeks and it may be added in sporadically. What I do want to start out this post with is no matter what your going through please know you are worth it, you are needed and please reach out to someone if you need help, it is okay to ask for help. 

Me as a person I have dealt with a lot of things but one I find myself dealing with more than not is the one word that a lot of people don't want to admit for some reason and it is not what you are most likely thinking, the word I am speaking of is loneliness... I am a lonely person I cannot tell you why I am lonely it is not because I do not have a loving and amazing family nor is it because I don't have friends, it isn't because of a lack of communication, and it is not the loneliness I had when I had not came to know my loving savior Jesus Christ for he filled that loneliness. This loneliness is different, I don't know why I am lonely all I know is that I am, and I am okay with my loneliness. I recently opened up and told my amazing mom of my lonely state and it bothered her it still does, though she has done nothing to cause my lonely feelings nor anyone has, but I noticed that it bothers a lot of people who know someone who is lonely and it even bothers the person dealing with the loneliness. If your the person who knows someone who is lonely please know it isn't your fault, you've done nothing wrong. If you're the person dealing with the odd emotion of loneliness, it is okay to feel lonely nothing is wrong with you because of your lonely feelings. I honestly cannot tell you when the lonely feeling began it was like one day it wasn't bothering me and then one day is was there and it hasn't left, I found myself thinking something was wrong with me why was I lonely when I had an amazing family who I am always surrounded by and I have a small group of amazing friends but above all of that I have an incredible God who I love and serve, I had no reason to be lonely. It was eating me alive because I have no reason to feel that way, to feel lonely so I decided that I would text my God sister and ask her if she felt lonely at times or in general I needed to know if I was the only person who felt lonely. So I waited for her response and she told me the thing I wasn't expecting, that she felt lonely to and then more of my friends began to tell me that they were lonely people like me. Even though I knew I wasn't the only person who felt this way anymore I still found it bothered me, it made me feel guilty, I felt guilty because I am so blessed and I felt along with other things I go through that I was a bad Christian because I felt a certain way, not that I am not and was not grateful and loving Jesus with everything in me and serving him, I wasn't mad at him, or holding onto anything, but I still felt guilty. It took me awhile to realize that the thoughts of  God couldn't use me or he was mad at me, because of my lonely state were wrong but in fact he would use my loneliness. I think at times we feel guilty or un useable because of the things we go through when in all reality we loose sight of that God can take the things we use and go through and make it wonderful and at times that is why we go through them. Today as I sit typing this all out I am okay with my loneliness, does it mean it has went away no it hasn't it still is here, it comes in a room full of people, it's there when I am all alone, it comes when I am going to bed, and when I am smiling and laughing with friends it is still here but I don't let it bother me anymore. I am a lonely person and that is okay do I need to take time for myself and relax and listen to my favorite songs, watch my favorite show, take a long bath and do a skincare routine, hang out with friends, yes because I need to take care of myself, to take care of my mental state, to take care of myself on my lonely days if that means I need to clean the whole house in aggression, if I need to cry while a song fills the air, if I need to laugh along with a show, video, or with family and friends then I need to do it because taking care of yourself mentally is just as important of taking care of yourself physically. If you're reading this and feel the loneliness I do, it is okay that you are lonely you still have a purpose and you still are the same amazing person you always have been it is okay to feel, it is okay to reach out and talk to someone because you're a human being who needs to take care of yourself and that is okay. Repeat after me. "I am /your name/ and it is okay that I am lonely, and there is nothing wrong with me for being lonely."   

The Thought Of The Day.

Hi everyone, I am so sorry for lack of post I have been under the weather and though I am not a 100% I woke up this morning with a thought and God confirmed to me through a friend that I was on the right track I love how he does that and I want to share it with you.

During my senior year of high school I felt the pressure beginning to build within me and it honestly only got worse as graduation day crept closer into eyes view, the thoughts of what I was going to do next? Who am I supposed to be? What on earth am I supposed to do with my life? I was completely terrified and stressed beyond belief and I thought I knew what I wanted to do with myself but I was still so unsure if it was the right fit for me, was I good enough for this career? Could I actually make it in this field? I was struggling knowing what my purpose was, what God wanted me to do with my life, I was only eighteen at the time of all of this and it was a lot to process and then not having the answer to peoples lingering question of "What are your plans for life after high school?" I had no answers it was all a confusing jumbled mess all I knew is that college was not for me and I couldn't survive being in a classroom with people I did not know! *Yes my introverted self totally panicked at the large words that lit up in horrid colors in my head COLLAGE!* During this confusing time I found myself in constant anxiety and stress and it began to effect me in other ways, I was not sleeping properly, I was not eating a lot, I was being snappy and taking my stress out on the people I love around me, and one day I was talking to an amazing friend I've known for years who I had been talking to about my stress and uncertainty, and she gave me a verse that has became my life verse Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." I still am so amazed by that verse I like to think God had it written just for me, because even now at nineteen years old I still find myself anxiously trying to figure out my life what road to take next do I turn left or right, is this the right thing for my life, is this my purpose? Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that even though I don't have a clue what is next God already does He knows where I will be a year from now, whom I'm going to marry, what I will do with my life, what I will name my children, where I will live. He knows it all, He already know all of it all I will do with my life my wrong choices and my right choices He has already seen it He's already there. You may not know what your supposed to do in this crazy and beautiful world, you may be stressed to the max and unsure where to turn next, what to pursue and what not to pursue. Take a deep breath, and release all that stress and anxiety because it's okay, it is okay to not know what your career is, it is okay to be unsure of if you want to go to collage or not go at all, it is okay to not know what is next. I once read that after high school we are expected to know what were going to do and be in our life, but how can we know those things when we don't even know who we are yet? Find who you are, find out who God has created you to be. You have to know yourself before you can know what your supposed to be, find yourself and then find your purpose God already knows and He is holding it safely for you, and He will guide you to where and who your supposed to be, ask him, ask him to lead and guide you to your purpose ask him to help you find who you are. It may not happen right away, I think sometimes He lets us wait so He can see how much faith we will put in him, to grow us stronger in our trust and faith in him. Today I hope more than anything that you can breathe with ease and know that it's okay to not have all the answers right now because even though you don't know your Heavenly Daddy has already seen it all and He won't let you fail.  

The Thought Of The Day.

Mask, they come in many forms some have feathers on the top corner that look like a swan, some of embellishments, some have glitter, and some have lace, for a mask is the main attire for a masquerade. But today I’m not going to be talking about the loved mask of a grand ball, no, today I want to talk about the masquerade of life and the mask we where in it. Whether we realize it or not everyday we put on a mask, now you may be reading this and are saying “I don’t wear a mask I am who I am.” I love that you are who you are, but if were truly honest with ourselves like most of the world your wearing a mask and may not even realize it. Mask, hide our identity at a ball, but in life they hide a lot more a mask not only hides but also deceives those around us they hide what we’re feeling. They hide our anger, our pain, our annoyance, our brokenness, our bitterness, our guilt, our envy, our sadness, our anxiety, our depression, our lust, our numbness, our insecurity. Every single one of us, every single person who is reading this is wearing a mask of some sort it may not be listed above but you know what it is. It’s hard in this world where society says we’re so accepted but if your not in the new trend or if you stand out, if you don’t look how they want or sound how they would like you to your no longer accepted in this accepting society. That not only puts stress on you to fit in but also per pressures you to mask who you truly are and be something your not, and to not show what you love and feel. You can be the most confident person in the room but what is it your confidence masking that you don’t want no one to see because then you won’t feel so confident anymore. What is your quiet voice masking that you don’t want to say because someone may look at you differently so you swallow your words masking them with silence. What is your know it all persona masking that you are terrified to actually be wrong about that’ll make everything crumble around you. What is your unapproachable attitude masking you from that you think will help you not to get hurt again, only your hurting yourself more by masking it. What is it? What are you hiding? Is it from yourself, or is it from the world around you? I’m not sure why this is being wrote out all I know is it has been in my thought pattern for two weeks now and refuses to go away which tells me not only do I need this but someone else out there does too so please let the words that flow next settle within in you. You, do not need to hide who you are, you don’t need to mask your feelings anymore, you don’t need to hide and burry them and cover them up, it’s okay to feel, it’s okay to express, and it’s okay to be exactly who you are because that is who God made you to be. Take the mask off it may be hard, it's not easy to let your raw and true self be seen in this world but it will better you, don’t be afraid of who you are don't hide you any longer and try your hardest to keep that mask off because once you wear it for so long it becomes apart of you and you don’t want that you want to be free. Set yourself free and breathe again, feel again, be you again, and most importantly love you and all your beautifully raw emotional self again. 

The Thought Of The Day.

You are absolutely amazing, and beyond beautiful, yes you looking at this screen with her hair up in a towel no makeup on with a cup tea, yes you the one who's in her sweat pants oversized t-shirt who has been cleaning all day long and your hair is in a messy bun and you just needed a break before you mopped the kitchen floors, yes you the one who is in her gorgeous light blue dress her hair curled and her makeup is on point and your sitting in your car waiting for your friend to show up to eat dinner. You, you amazing women you, you're absolutely beautiful, you're stunning, you're brilliant and so bright you just have to see yourself in a new light. Forget about all your "imperfections" forget about your stomach not being flat, forget about those honey thick thighs touching when you walk, forget about how you don't like your arms or your legs. So what if you have stretch marks, dimples in your thighs, acne, grey hairs, a double chin, straight hair, curly hair, ect. None of that matters honey, you should never look in your mirror and think, "Oh I need to change, I need to loose weight." You should feel beautiful so what if your not a size 0 not everyone is, God didn't create us to all be the same it would be a very boring world if we all looked the same, He made us unique and just how He wanted us one of my favorite scriptures is from Pslam 139:14 "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." We are fearfully and wonderfully made, God had no fear when he made me with a little extra curves, wild red curls that bounce around my freckled face, He made me to be wonderful, and that includes my body, He created me just as he wanted me to be and he doesn't look at me and say, "Oh my daughter down there, yeah um, she needs to loose about 20 pounds." No, he looks at me and says, "Look at my daughter down there, she is absolutely gorgeous fearfully and wonderfully made just as I have created her to be." Him, the God of the universe made you just how you are, and goodness does he love you just as you are. So why shouldn't we? Why shouldn't we love ourselves just as God intended us to, we should look in the mirror and say, "I look good today!' If we constantly are negative about our bodies and who we are then we will never be happy, you have to sprinkle that self positive love on yourself, and yes it is not easy, and yes it is a daily effort, but you know it's so worth it in the end because how can you love others without loving yourself first. So I challenge you, yes you, to everyday that you look in your mirror that you not pick out those "flaws" but instead you praise them and you embrace them because honey you are a masterpiece full of beauty that deserves that cookie  and never forget it.

The Thought of the Day.

As I sat down finally able to write a blog from the busy past few days and weeks, I struggled whether or not to post this, this blog post isn't going to be like my last, it's a bit more personal I want to share a thought with you one that I find myself replaying through out my day and it may not be a easy one to swallow nor one we want to admit. Last week I had some friends over and we were painting on canvases being artsy playing music having a good time crafting together, I had just finished painting on my canvas and I looked down at my work and absolutely disliked the outcome the colors were to dark and didn't match the rest of the painting at all and I found myself adding water to the already painted colors to brighten them. I looked back down hoping I would be more pleased with the outcome but was even more dissatisfied, so I completely painted over it making the "mess" go away finally painting what I saw as a complete and "perfect" painting. I found myself doing this again this week on my driving, as well on the book I have been writing, telling myself I need to drive better as well as I could be writing better and comparing my work to other authors and as I set talking about how I hadn't been doing very well about writing in my book it hit me as I had went to go and hang up some laundry I was guilty of something I find myself doing all to much and I know I'm not the only one I had not only put myself down telling myself I wasn't doing a good enough job but, I had also begin to compare myself to someone else. This is something that I know I'm not the only one that does this, I hear my friends, family members and even strangers doing the same thing saying thank you to a complement but then saying that maybe it would be true if they were as skinny as her, or whether its something they've worked on like a painting and you keep telling them how good it looks but they find something to point out a small flaw making them doubt their work and making them say, "I could've done better." or "I don't like it, it doesn't look good like yours." I even hear this within our church people comparing themselves to someone else and putting themselves down for something they did great on. How many times can we honestly say we do this is? Is it once a day, is it a day out of the week, or do we do it so much we don't even realize. If we constantly put ourselves down and  telling ourselves were not good enough and we should've done something different, were letting negativity abide in us we can't grow and flourish if were not patting ourselves on the back every now and then saying were doing a good job, if we don't look at ourselves in the mirror and tell our reflection "Dang girl you look good today!" were never going to grow and have positivity and only think negative about ourselves and eventually that will spill out of you and touch everything around you making your world grey and draining the vibrant colors from around you. As I was thinking about this a thought came to my mind and I like to think that it was God's way of showing me his input on my on going debate in my mind. When God created creation, He didn't look at it after He was finished and think to himself, "I should've made Pluto purple, and maybe a little bigger." No He didn't do that He knew exactly as he was forming Pluto that he wanted it to be a small planet, that He wanted it the exact color He had spoke, He wanted it to have the dents, edges, and the size He created and on the seventh day he didn't say "Oh I could've done better." No he saw it and he said it is very good. That jumped all over me, because as I sat and thought that thought in my head playing it over, and over, I begin to think, how many times have I tried to change me, the me that God created, how many times have I tried to change my shape, my edges, my dents, my scars how many times? How many times have I put myself down about my writing or my driving saying I could do better or maybe if I did it like Jane Austen I would be more pleased. How many times have I put myself down saying it wasn't good enough? My answer, a lot I have said, thought, and done these things more than I would like to admit. My only question I had as this ran through my head is this, if God created me, little ole me, and he made me in the image of Him the image of my heavenly Dad, the same God who created the planets who created Pluto one of my favorite planets, and He created me the same God and he looked at me with all love in his eyes and he looked at me Christian Almond and said, "Oh look at my daughter that I have created, she is good." Then why can't I look at myself, my driving, my writings, my everyday and say "It is good." If God can look at me this bundle of redheaded mess and say "She is good." then why can't I? All the things I compare, and put myself down for and consider a mess it doesn't matter none of it, you want to know why? Because why on earth would I want to compare myself and down myself if the creator Himself says I am good. Jesus says to you right now everyday that you wake up even the days you're comparing, you're putting yourself down and letting all that negativity flow through you, He is still telling you,you are good.

A Day In A Life Of Me

Time flies by once you get out of high school, it seems that you have all of these impossible decisions to make and you are completely clueless of what the answers to the decisions are and will be. As the time continues to fly by you find yourself in this awkward middle ground where your not a kid anymore but your also not an adult yet ether and you feel like your running around in the middle of maze trying to figure out where to turn next. For myself I am still stuck in the maze, though being graduated for a year now and being nineteen I am still trying to find my common ground and myself, even though I'm confident in who I am and who I am becoming, facing the milestones that come in life. Today I faced one of those milestones, today I went and got my permit. Now I know what your thinking, "This girl is nineteen and doesn't have her license, what is she doing?" I have never been the person who rushed things especially big events in life, and honestly I never really wanted to drive the thought of being behind the wheel always sends a surge of anxiety through me the what if keeping me from going and taking the test. I study for months and finally decided this week I would go and take the test to get my permit being a inexperienced driver I thought it best to start with a permit instead of hopping right in and driving off like a mad women, I though a permit was safer and better for me personally. We went Thursday morning and got to the dmv and it was packed out people were sitting outside lined up, so we decided to drive to another dmv about 30 minutes away, once we get there we walk in my nerves are skyrocketed, I take a seat readying myself for the test to only find out that I have to make an appointment their not allowing walk ins. I was honestly a little relieved thinking that I would have a little more time to get myself together and run back through my signs for the 100th time. We drove all the way back to the little town I live in called Albemarle, the crowed still lingering out the door we decide to stay and wait, I finally make it to the desk I lay out my papers to find out that I don't have everything I need. So I went back home empty handed, though most people would have been aggravated and upset I was the opposite I felt it as though it was not my time and not the day I needed to get my permit that I would keep my head up and try again another day. I just didn't think that day would be today, as my dad came home from work he set on the couch and nonchalantly asked me if I wanted to go and try again, I decided it was now or never second times the charm right? We walk in, I'm a nervous wreck I'm shaky my heart is pounding I'm pretty sure you can hear it across the room, I step up laying all my paper work down having it all in hand only to be told that I don't have the correct copy of my birth certificate. Once more we leave and we go down to the court house praying we can get in and out quickly so I can get my permit today, at this point I'm wondering if God is trying to say I'm to unsafe to drive and shouldn't get my permit. Surprisingly we get in and out in a jiffy and hurry back to the dmv to finally being handed the numbered ticket that would lead me to my destiny of the permit. I feel like time is moving at a slow pace, number, after number, is called out and then finally my number is called out flashing on the tv screen. I walk back to only forget my confirmation of address *mentally slaps myself.* I finally sit down and after feeling and signing everything out and taking my signs test, it is finally time to take the permit test. I go and sit across another poor soul who was probably completely composed and not shaking in their seat like me. I go through the questions and my heart stops as the screen goes black and I'm thinking "Oh no, I broke the computer." I mean if someone is going to do it,its going to be me. I read over the screen as it says I have passed and only got two answers wrong! I had to read it twice because I actually did not believe it, I needed to make sure it wasn't my eyes playing tricks and changing you passed to you did not pass. It set in after re reading it over again and I could've done a little dance of happiness in my seat but I contained myself. I felt proud and relieved all at once, I was relived it was over and done with and the doubt of not passing was behind me, but I was proud for doing it, for finally deciding it was time to face the small yet big to me milestone at hand. Though I need much practice driving I can now say I can drive to go get some Dairy Queen when I want some, as long as I don't hit the actual drive through.