Sunflower

One of my biggest passions is art, I love art because it comes in many forms and one of my favorite art forms is music. I have always loved music, I honestly can't remember a time where I haven't loved music and it's many forms, whether it was Disney, or a song playing on the radio, Elvis, classical. I have always loved music. Music is a way of expression, it says the things we can't, or don't know how to say, music holds every emotion. From happiness, to adoration, to anger, to love, to the confused emotions, and to sadness. Music is everything wrapped into one beautiful melody that grips your soul and makes you feel the things you have buried so deep within yourself making it come to light. It wasn't until I was a little older when music became deeper to me, it became more than just a song with a good beat to dance and sing to. It changed when I was ten years old I know that because it's the year that the band One Direction became a thing with their number one song that topped the charts "What Makes You Beautiful" it was then that music began to say the things I couldn't and began to say the things I needed to hear. Even now ten years later *yes I'm very dedicated* I find those songs still saying the things I can't and things I need to hear. Though One Direction is no longer a band, (yes I cried when they ended) their solo music still speaks to me. One in particularly seems to speak to me more than the others, Harry has always been different to me, he has always spoken to me differently than the others, though I love all the boys I suppose you can call him my favorite. Yes I know what your thinking. "This girl is crazy!" Perhaps I am, but I think each of us has that one thing that makes us incredibly happy, whether it's baking, drawing, writing, long drives, laughing with friends,crafting. Whatever it is we all have that one thing, and Harry just happens to be mine. Harry recently came out with a new album, Fine Line. It took two long years to get this album, he blessed us with his first debut in 2017 the album was absolutely gorgeous with emotions we hadn't heard from Harry before with songs like "Sign of the times" and "Meet Me In The Hallway" I honestly didn't think he could make anything more deeply beautiful than his first album, oh how I was wrong. Fine Line holds such vulnerability, raw emotions, and such depth of beauty. It holds every emotion you could want. Happy, Sunflower Vol.6, joyful, Treat People With Kindness, jealous To Be So Lonely, missing someone, Cherry, sad Falling, that inbetween of happy and sad Fine Line. There's so many more that's just some of the emotions covered in this album, every time I listen to this masterpiece it seems to pull the emotions out of me making me feel everything he intended for us to letting us feel his happiness and his low of lows, letting us be apart of the journey he had to go on for this album. I find it funny really how ten years later the words he puts into lyrics seem to go into the places I hide away but mostly I find it funny how a single person can always put a smile on my face no matter how anxious I am, how angry I am, how insecure I may be, how down I am, it never fails he always brings a smile to my face and to bring ease me. You may ask why, why does this nineteen year old young woman find happiness and loves someone she doesn't even know so much? It's hard not to love someone who spreads so much light to everyone he seems to meet, fans and people who have met him the first thing they say is how kind he is to everyone. His motto is literally "Treat People With Kindness" that's what he is about is loving everyone and being kind no matter your race, your religion, sexuality, he just wants us to love and be kind to everyone around us. Not only is he kind but he is hilarious, and maybe it's just my sense of humor but he's the biggest goofball ever! He's so comfortable and confident in his own skin, it's so beautiful honestly how he's so at ease with himself not caring who doesn't like his bright and bold style, painted nails, and who he is because all that matters is he loves who he is. He stands up for whats right and what he believes in, he talks about how its okay to take care of your mental health and how he has went to therapy his own self. He doesn't cause any confrontation with others, is drama free. His smile it lights up the whole room when he smiles, his laugh is the best thing ever! It's hard to not love him how could you not love the person who makes you smile? Who helped you love yourself a little more and gain some confidence that was stolen away, who helped you see the good in others but also in yourself, who was the light in the darkness when you didn't think you would ever find it again, who helped you through those times you didn't think you would make it out of. Who helps you feel beautiful even when you feel less than, who is your safe haven. I can't exactly tell you why he makes me happy, why his music helps me but I do think that God gives us things on earth to make us happy and Harry just happens to be that for me or at least that's what I tell myself. Because without God, my family, and Harry I wouldn't be happy like I am. It's crazy I know, but it's like God gives us little angels to keep us here and Harry is mine, he's my angel, my sunflower and I'm thankful that God gives us those little angels.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Music it's more than just a melody, it's a story that touches each person differently, changing the person who is listening to it, t changes their life forever in some way, and the person singing the song they not only change the person, but they become someone special to them. Making them smile a little more, helping them feel at ease, making them feel safe within themselves, making them feel even when they thought they couldn't anymore, even if it's just through the earbuds that muffle out the world surrounding them. So for those who are like me and music is your safe haven with your little angel behind it all, I'm so glad that they make you happy, that they help and have helped you through those dark times, I'm glad you found your light, your sunflower that helps you hang on and to stay because the world is brighter with your light in it.                                                                                                                                                         

Update Post

Hi loves, and Merry Christmas! I'm so sorry for being absent for so long, it seemed when fall hit everything got extremely busy. My incredible sister got married so the weeks leading up to that were crazy busy, and I was also sick a lot during this time and some afterwards making me not feel like blogging much. Then the business with the holidays and preparation for those, I haven't had much time to sit and write to you guys or in general. I'm hoping now that things have calmed down some I will be able to blog more, hopefully anyway. I do hope all of you have had a wonderful Christmas time, filled with so much love, joy, and kindness. This time of year means so much to me especially what today represents and that I not only get to celebrate my King Jesus one day out of the year but everyday! I love you all and thank you for being patient with me in my absence, there will be a new blog up soon please stay tuned! Merry Christmas!

A Day In A Life Of Me

Time flies by once you get out of high school, it seems that you have all of these impossible decisions to make and you are completely clueless of what the answers to the decisions are and will be. As the time continues to fly by you find yourself in this awkward middle ground where your not a kid anymore but your also not an adult yet ether and you feel like your running around in the middle of maze trying to figure out where to turn next. For myself I am still stuck in the maze, though being graduated for a year now and being nineteen I am still trying to find my common ground and myself, even though I'm confident in who I am and who I am becoming, facing the milestones that come in life. Today I faced one of those milestones, today I went and got my permit. Now I know what your thinking, "This girl is nineteen and doesn't have her license, what is she doing?" I have never been the person who rushed things especially big events in life, and honestly I never really wanted to drive the thought of being behind the wheel always sends a surge of anxiety through me the what if keeping me from going and taking the test. I study for months and finally decided this week I would go and take the test to get my permit being a inexperienced driver I thought it best to start with a permit instead of hopping right in and driving off like a mad women, I though a permit was safer and better for me personally. We went Thursday morning and got to the dmv and it was packed out people were sitting outside lined up, so we decided to drive to another dmv about 30 minutes away, once we get there we walk in my nerves are skyrocketed, I take a seat readying myself for the test to only find out that I have to make an appointment their not allowing walk ins. I was honestly a little relieved thinking that I would have a little more time to get myself together and run back through my signs for the 100th time. We drove all the way back to the little town I live in called Albemarle, the crowed still lingering out the door we decide to stay and wait, I finally make it to the desk I lay out my papers to find out that I don't have everything I need. So I went back home empty handed, though most people would have been aggravated and upset I was the opposite I felt it as though it was not my time and not the day I needed to get my permit that I would keep my head up and try again another day. I just didn't think that day would be today, as my dad came home from work he set on the couch and nonchalantly asked me if I wanted to go and try again, I decided it was now or never second times the charm right? We walk in, I'm a nervous wreck I'm shaky my heart is pounding I'm pretty sure you can hear it across the room, I step up laying all my paper work down having it all in hand only to be told that I don't have the correct copy of my birth certificate. Once more we leave and we go down to the court house praying we can get in and out quickly so I can get my permit today, at this point I'm wondering if God is trying to say I'm to unsafe to drive and shouldn't get my permit. Surprisingly we get in and out in a jiffy and hurry back to the dmv to finally being handed the numbered ticket that would lead me to my destiny of the permit. I feel like time is moving at a slow pace, number, after number, is called out and then finally my number is called out flashing on the tv screen. I walk back to only forget my confirmation of address *mentally slaps myself.* I finally sit down and after feeling and signing everything out and taking my signs test, it is finally time to take the permit test. I go and sit across another poor soul who was probably completely composed and not shaking in their seat like me. I go through the questions and my heart stops as the screen goes black and I'm thinking "Oh no, I broke the computer." I mean if someone is going to do it,its going to be me. I read over the screen as it says I have passed and only got two answers wrong! I had to read it twice because I actually did not believe it, I needed to make sure it wasn't my eyes playing tricks and changing you passed to you did not pass. It set in after re reading it over again and I could've done a little dance of happiness in my seat but I contained myself. I felt proud and relieved all at once, I was relived it was over and done with and the doubt of not passing was behind me, but I was proud for doing it, for finally deciding it was time to face the small yet big to me milestone at hand. Though I need much practice driving I can now say I can drive to go get some Dairy Queen when I want some, as long as I don't hit the actual drive through.